Overcoming A Friend's Barriers To Belief

(emailed from Bill Perkins)

Here's the situation: You want to talk to a friend, but you're not sure how you should approach him. For years I pretty much shared the message with friends in the same way--of course, I adapted the illustrations to fit their background. I felt that was the most effective thing I could do. And then I discovered three fundamental barriers men have to spiritual truth. Understanding which barrier a man has enabled me to adapt what I say to what a man most needs. I fear that without an understanding of these barriers, you or I could share the message and actually push a friend away from God.

With that possibility in mind--here are the three barriers and how you can overcome them:

Barrier One: The emotional barrier. This barrier is erected by a man who has been wounded by a Christian or another religious person in the past. Someone with this barrier tends to be argumentative. They are more interested in proving you wrong than learning truth. How do you identify this barrier? If you're talking to a friend and he's exceptionally argumentative and defensive about spiritual truth, he may have been wounded in the past. If I sense the barrier may be emotional I'll say, "You seem to have strong feelings about this. What's your spiritual background? Have you had a bad experience with a Christian in the past?" If I'm right, and they have an emotional barrier, he'll describe something that happened which deeply hurt him.

Barrier Two: Intellectual. This man is a serious seeker and wants more information so he can make an intelligent decision about Jesus Christ. While he may ask tough questions, he's non-defensive and sincere in his approach.

Barrier Three: Lifestyle. This is a man who is living in a way that he knows would have to change for him to get serious about God--or at least he feels that way.

Okay, so those are the barriers. Here's how to you deal with them. Men with an emotional barrier must be loved into the kingdom of God. If you dump information on them, it will reinforce their negative feelings. Demonstrate a genuine concern for them and when the time is right, share with them the hope you have in Christ. But remember--it may take years of love before they're ready to trust a Christian. If a man has an intellectual barrier, answer his questions as well as you can. Suggest he read a good book like Lee Strobel's book, The Case for Christ, C.S. Lewis' book, Mere Christianity, or Francis Schaffer's book, The God Who is There. Read the book yourself and then discuss it with him. Don't feel like you have to know all of his answers. They're there and you may both learn if you search for them together. The man with a lifestyle barrier isn't ready for truth. But--share it with him anyway and then pray for him. He probably won't show much interest until he reaches a point of despair. But if you're there as a friend, when his need is great enough, you may have the privilege of leading him to Christ.

Remember, men don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.